Guaranteed boost for self-esteem

We all have those days, from time to time, where things don't seem to be going our way; where it seems like life is force-feeding us a crap sandwich. Well, fear not for I have the antidote.

Take a trip to your nearest Wal-Mart.

Now, I know everyone has probably seen at least one of the 657 captioned pictures of various patrons of Wal-Mart (or so the photos claim). God knows I have, and my retinas are still stinging. Knowing how many Wal-Marts have sprouted up across the country, I could never have expected that any of these random characters would be found anywhere near me. Man, was I wrong.

I have seen this "Clockwork Orange" aversion-therapy freak show in person, and I can honestly say that I am a better man for it (at least I feel better about myself). Much like the way that thugs disfigure that one person so that others can see what happens when they disobey, I have seen the dark side and so I will now live to NOT become a member of this particular sub-culture.

To be fair, I also went to Target and K-Mart, to see if the stereotype was brand-specific. Not that the aisles of these establishments will be confused with a catwalk any time soon, but the patrons here seemed to be leaps and bounds ahead of the Wal-Mart crew in terms of fashion sense development.

Now, I am no Fashionista by any stretch of the imagination, but what I lack in fashion sense, I make up for in common sense. This is how I don't go out in public looking like I chose my wardrobe using only 'thickness of fabric' as a common denominator.

So I offer a little advice to my local Wal-Mart patrons. Please realize that it is not mandatory to have EVERY article of clothing exposed, especially underwear (that's why it's called UNDERwear) - I don't need to peak under that hood. And just because a shirt fits over your shoulders, doesn't mean it fits (those need to reach the pockets of the neon pink sweatpants that you have on with "Juicy" stretched across the ass to a point where it looks more like an optical illusion, please).

In the meantime...a trip to Wal-Mart will be guaranteed to boost your morale, and you can probably get something that you need for a great price, in the process. As long as you bring your common sense, some self respect and a little perception, you can't help but knowing that, no matter how bad the rest of your life may seem, at least you're not at the bottom of the social evolutionary ladder.